This year is too much, my friends. I was really making strides—multiple books in progress, regular posting here, applying to doctoral programs, a few speaking engagements and workshops, and renewed inspiration to write and produce music.

Starting with my mother’s passing on June 30th, it’s been a freefall: difficult and traumatic stuff with close family, then our house was robbed July 17th (they took all of Parsons’ power tools and batteries and some other stuff, along with our sense of safety), then a health scare, then one of my favorite people in the world died September 8th, and then, on Monday, we had to put Beebee to sleep.

I weep as I type this. My life hasn’t completely collapsed, but something terrible is coming for me if I don’t give myself a little bit of time to regroup. I have a dozen blog posts in draft. Three podcasts halfway done. A few YouTube video blog companions mid-edit. And I enjoy putting all of this stuff out there, but I can’t keep doing things for free or cheap that cost me entire days to produce and sometimes don’t even generate any interest right now. As someone who used to be a prolific online creator, I feel this immense pressure to participate in the attention economy. Posts to remind you I exist! Posts that say I’m teaching a course! I interviewed someone cool! Here’s a thing you should try to make your playing more musical! In order for any of these things to be high quality, I need time, energy, and inspiration.

At this time, I have those things in abundance for my private students and writing for Strings. The rest of my energy I have to put into applying to school, fortifying my body and mind, and learning to ignore the intense FOMO that comes with watching the waves from the shore instead of being the one creating them. So I’m giving myself the rest of the year off from doing anything (optional) I don’t want to do.

This is not to say I won’t post here before the new year. Who knows, maybe the freedom not to post will turn into the inspiration I need; sometimes taking an option off the table is the only way to see how much you want it back on the table.

So, here are two playlists. The art on the October playlist is by the weird and wonderful Bill Crisafi. Oh, and since it’s my birthday month, here’s my very small gear wish list.

See you soon.