After a long decline with COPD and two years of dementia, my mom passed away last week. Ours was a complicated and difficult relationship, and while there is a surreal quality to the days that have followed, the nature of our interaction meant that I grieved the loss of a mother for nearly two decades. It’s a sort of faint heartache right now.

My immediate thought was to head back to Los Angeles that day, but my father asked for time alone—nearly two weeks—so I’ll be heading out after lessons this upcoming Saturday. I’m driving because I have no idea how long I’ll be out there (3 days? 30 days?) and I need my cello and don’t fancy the drama that flying with it entails.

My route, I believe, will be the northernmost of the options. On the way back, I may try and teach some in person lessons or workshops.

I haven’t done a long solo road trip like this since 2009, when I was storming across the country a few times a year to do teaching tours. I once drove from LA to OKC in a single 20-hour haul, but I think my spine would be pulverized if I tried to do anything that gnarly. I’ll just listen to my body and take lots of breaks to stretch.

This trip comes at the worst possible time for me— you are already familiar with my mountain of medical debt, most of it on credit cards hovering around 30% interest *eye twitch*. But then add to that the immense expense the house continues to burden us with (yes, we are looking at selling when I return), about 19k in Tamarack Arts debt, the great summer student drop off, and a sudden four digit Subaru bill, and what you get is…

a blog post where I’m asking for help, if you can swing it. I’m going to have to stop at a few motels and buy lots of gas both ways, and if I could defray those costs with an extra few hundred bucks, it would be a huge relief. If you’d like some lessons or a coaching session in exchange, I would be delighted! It’s literally my favorite thing.

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This form lets you choose the amount you’d like to pay- the minimum is $10, as lower figures tend to attract bots. There is so much need in the world right now; don’t give it a second thought if another cause feels more pressing right now. It probably is, and I love you for your tender heart. ♥️

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

21 Comments

    • Thank you, mama. I feel really held and supported in this moment. So while I am in temporary financial stress, I have this wealth of friends and colleagues who just refuse to let me sink, and that, I know, is the real prize. Love you!

  4. Safe and smooth travels to you. May you receive and experience everything that you need during this time, in all the possible ways.

  7. Safe travels, my friend. Sending peace, love, and strength. (I tried sending THE emojis. They’ll either be posted three times or not at all.)

  8. Kevin and I send our condolences for all you’re going through. Drive safely, take good care of yourself, and know your friends in LA send you love. x

    • Thanks, T & K! After I know what’s what, I’ll ping you. Would be wonderful to catch up after so many years!

    • This is my hope, too. I’m generally feeling pretty balanced, but I think the shock is wearing off, and who knows what will arise when I go back into the house? I’ll text you when I’m in town. Hugs!

  10. If you decide to take I-70, we have a guest room. Also a variety of pianos (digital and acoustic), cellos (again, digital and acoustic), a viola, and a mandolin. We’re two hours west of Kansas City, in Manhattan KS. You are welcome to spend the night.

    • Thank you Mark! I’ll let you know if the timing works out that way; it would be nice to finally meet you and your people after all these years. 🙂

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