I’m with the band.

No really. My friends and I, despite all our classical training and knowing better, have pretty much always dated guys in the rock and roll scene. There’s an occasional composer or sound editor (and one pro skateboarder) thrown in from time to time, but when we sit down and dish the dirt, it’s usually a laugh-till-you-cry series of anecdotes and comparisons detailing the life of a rock and roll girlfriend.

So amusing was our last conversation that I thought I would throw a little survey up on Twitter and see what folks had to say.



Primary characteristics of rock musicians, according to the poll. Drummers and messy cars, eh? Who knew?




When asked, “would you avoid any particular kind of musician?”


You did it anyway. How’d that work out?



Highlights from the essay portion:

“I avoid the arrogant ones who think their music is the only good music and who think the gigs and record deals should come to them with as little effort on their part as possible. Interesting how the less effort they make to find performance opportunities the louder they complain that no one “understands” their music.”

“Singers. Why would I subject myself to that?”

“Bassists and drummers are fun, but getting them to things on time or getting them to follow the rules, generally…a challenge. Lead-anything players = high strung and high-maintenance, but can also be high-fun but usually good leaders.”

“I am a sucker for the guy who’s the best at whatever he does, musically (or in anything). That’s a big plus. Multi-instrumentalists tend to be really smart — also a big plus. I have a soft spot in my heart for great guitarists and multi-wind players, but must take them with a grain of salt (divas, in good and challenging ways).”

“Bassist fingers have calluses. Ouch!”

“Being a musician’s wife is hard, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

and the classic: “They all suck! Bastards!”

All snark aside, when it came time to fill in a comment box about why smart girls date these commitment-averse calloused-fingered messy car owners, it all comes down to the deadly mix of confidence and talent. Respondents who have moved on from dating rockers have gone on to the rock stars of their chosen fields, citing competence at what they do as the primary initial attractor.

Sounds about right.

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4 Responses

  1. To the person who wrote, “Multi-instrumentalists tend to be really smart–also a big plus,” thank you for that!

    Also, for the record, my car and apartment are both clean, and I’m not commitment-phobic.

  2. Raised in a house where a big voice was a big hero, I think a good voice is absolute catnip (especially when combined with a really good head of hair). But I’d run across traffic to get away from a singer. My cat is also a painfully cute high-maintenance diva, but she runs on all fours, poops in a box, and has a brain the size of a kiwifruit, so she has an excuse.

    Singers are best beheld at a safe distance. 🙂

    And hey, your poll forgot the keyboard player! Always the ideal, methinks. O:-)

  3. I have always tried to avoid dating musicians and actors, but as an occasional singer, I find myself inevitably crushing on whomever is accompanying me at any given time. I think it’s because a good accompanist *listens* and pays attention to me a lot. (yes, I avoid dating musicians because I Know How They Are).

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